I’m a huge Christopher Nolan fan. I’ve seen all of his films multiple times. In the last two weeks I’ve watched “The Dark Knight” no less than 6 times. (Technically, I’ve had it on in the room while working on a writing project…it helps me stay awake late at night.) I’m going to attempt to channel my inner “Mystery Science Theater 3000” and offer some comments about my favorite film of all-time…in real time.
(Please note, this entire article is full of spoilers. Only read it if you have seen the movie, or if you don’t plan to.)
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Ad #1 – DVD Pirating
“I wouldn’t bring up Paris if I were you – it’s poor salesmanship.” Nothing deters me from pirating DVDs like excerpts from “Casablanca”
Ad #2 – BluRay
Apparently movies were “meant to be lived.” Seeing as though they showed clips from “Full Metal Jacket”, “300”, “Blade Runner”, “10,000 B.C.”, and “V for Vendetta”, I think I’ll stick to just watching movies, and not living them.
Ad #3 – Batman Begins
Why are they promoting the “Batman Begins” DVD before the showing of the sequel?
Ad #4 – Arkham Asylum
A Batman video game that looks nothing like either of the movies. No thanks.
Preview #1 – Watchmen
Whoever Frank Miller is, he must be making a TON of coin with all of his creepy graphic novels being turned into movies. I must admit “Watchmen” looks kinda cool. Maybe it’s just the fact that Denny Duquette will be
Ad #5 – TobaccoFreeCA.com
A close-up of a decrepit old man telling me not to smoke. Great.
(TDK gets the award for lamest pre-movie propaganda.)
1:20 You can judge an opening sequence by how awesome the first camera shot it.
3:48 “Do you have any idea who you’re stealing from. You and your friends are dead!”
4:50 “No, no, no…I kill the BUS driver”
5:38 “What do you believe in!?!?!?
“I believe what doesn’t kill you simply makes you…..stranger.”
6:10 The bank executive gets a mouth full of toxic gas. I never liked that guy, ever since he mouthed off to Ben Affleck in “Armageddon” He got what he deserved.
8:00 Cillian Murphy with one of the all-time greatest mailed-in performances. The first time I saw this, I thought they hired a stunt-double or something. Didn’t even make an effort.
9:20 First real Batman appearance. What does he have against guns, I wonder?
10:21 Murphy put on a few pounds in the off-season. Ooooofff
10:30 “What’s the difference between you and me?”
“I’m not wearing hockey pads.”
Lame exchange. Christian Bale’s affected “Batman voice” is a little over-the-top in this movie. Needless to say, Bale / Batman doesn’t make a strong first impression.
13:36 “Know your limits, Master Wayne”…followed by a shirtless Bale. He’s so dreamy.
14:10 “Harvey, I know these briefs backwards”. I was underwhelmed by Maggie Gyllenhaal’s performance…she, too, is off to a bad start.
15:00 “Carbon fiber…22-calibur…made in China. If you want to kill a public servant, Mr. Meroni, I recommend you buy American.” Forced…unimpressive.
15:45 Maggie’s version of Rachel Dawes is slutty and can’t make eye-contact with anyone. Katie Holmes’ version was vanilla…but at least it wasn’t obnoxious.
18:40 I always feel like I’m in good hands with Morgan Freeman…just call me Miss Daisy.
19:55 “Rachel’s told me everything about you.”
“I certainly hope not”
21:00 “You either die a hero, or you live long enough to see yourself become the villain.”
23:30 “How ‘bout a magic trick. I’m gonna make this pencil disappear. Ta da!”
24:08 “What happened…didja ***** drop off? Hmm?”
25:45 “You think you can steal from us and just walk away?’
(When I found out a year before TDK was released that Heath Ledger was going to be the Joker, I was really disappointed. I didn’t think the guy from “10 Things I Hate About You” would be a good Joker. Even when I heard early reviews that Leder’s performance was “amazing”, I was skeptical (just figured people were sentimental after his death). Needless to say, after this scene with the mobsters, I was on board.”
29:08 “Billionaire Absconds With Entire Russian Ballet” Nice alibi…
30:12 “Wanna know how I got these scars?”
30:46 “Why so serious?”
33:25 Clever trick with the two cell phones
36:45 Batman dragging Lau out of the building by one foot while fending off other bad guys…tight
37:30 I think that action sequence took place in diegetic time! (2:30 from the time he shot the sticky window bombs…just like he programmed them.) Bravo, Mr. Nolan. Bravo.
37:46 “Please deliver to: Lt. Gordon” Cute
38:35 “I’m good with cal-kuh-lation…one big pot.” “Like I said, I’m good with cal-kuh-lation”. That annoys me every time!
40:21 Joker card shows up in the court documents the judge is reading off. How does he have access to so much?
40:37 The mayor reminds me of Erik McCormick (Will from “Will & Grace”)…with a cheesier smile
41:46 Literally jumped out of my seat in the theater
42:17 It’s good to see Rusty Griswold made it as a news anchorman
43:06 “LOOK AT ME!”
43:29 “I’m a man of my worrrrrd.”
46:20 The start of an amazing scene. (Seriously – how does he get DNA access to the 3 most powerful people in Gotham, eh?)
47:40 Awkward exchange between Rachel & Harvey…ugh. But it’s about to be redeemed by some great Joker lines.
49:12 “Goood evening, ladies and gentleMEN!”
49:50 “Do you know where I can find Harvey…just something little. No?”
50:07 “I’ll settle for his loved ones”
50:20 “You remind me of my father…I hated my father.” (This guy is actually a congressman from Arizona. Kinda cool, right)
51:00 “You look nervous…is it the scars? Wann know how I got ’em?”
51:43 “You know what? SHE CAN’T STAND THE SIGHT OF ME!”
51:57 “A little fight in ya…I like that…”
52:44 “Very poor choice of words.”
53:06 They totally should have been killed by that fall
55:10 “Some men just want to watch the world burn…” Michael Caine is my favorite Alfred, by far
55:36 Never really figured out what Batman was doing there…kinda reminded me of “Bruce Almighty” when he’s getting overwhelmed with all the prayers.
56:47 Puts the obit of the mayor in the next day’s paper…clever. It was at this point in the movie that I was astonished by the genius of Nolan & Goyer
58:02 “You think that your client, one of the wealthiest and most powerful men n the world, is secretly a vigilante who spends his nights beating criminals to a pulp with his bare hands? And your idea is to blackmail this person? Good luck!”
59:36 Rusty, working the parade beat.
1:02:00 Great music
1:02:10 Heath looking really creepy w/o make-up
1:02:55 Scary dude…with a Rachel Dawes namebadge
1:03:35 I feel bad for the kid. (He kinda looks like Isaac will in 5 years.)
1:04:04 “What makes you think I wanna hear you talk…” Kid sister, Julia Roberts, would be proud.
1:05:49 As a guy who has dislocated his kneecap 5 times, all I have to say is “Ouch!” and “Gross!”
1:09:38 “If you turn yourself in, they’ll never let us be together.” Have I mentioned how much I dislike Maggie / Rachel in this movie?
1:10:48 I love the exchanges with Bruce and Alfred. “But I did bloody tell ya.”
1:11:35 “But the night is darkest just before the dawn.” Emmylou Harris agrees.
1:12:09 “I am the Batman” — didn’t see that one coming!
1:15:03 Burning fire truck blocking the street. Why would you go down to “lower 5th” (where you’d be like “turkeys on Thanksgiving Day”) instead of just going around the block?
1:18:42 “I like this job, I like it!”
1:19:04 Cue the Bat-Pod…very cool
1:20:16 “OK, that’s NOT good.” Really annoyed by the guy riding shotgun. Kind of reminds me of Vincent D’onofrio’s toolish younger brother.
1:21:30 Sweet up-and-over trick with the Pod
1:22:13 “Hit Me!” (I don’t get why Batman just doesn’t take him out!!!)
1:22:46 “You do like to play things close to the chest.” – Not sure why Harvey would say that to Gordon. Bruce said something like that to Lucius earlier…but neither Harvey or Gordon were there. Curious…
1:24:33 Joker’s clapping was unscripted…but really creepy!
1:27:00 Awesome interrogation scene
1:30:55 “Hel-looooooooooooo!?!?!? Harvey, is that you?” I’m pulling for him to get rescued at this point.
1:33:40 “Would you like to know which of them were cowards?
1:35:00 “Is that a phone???”
1:35:54 Adios, Rachel
1:39:55 Welcome back, Rusty
1:41:37 Really, REALLY gross – a little cartoonish, but pretty well done
1:44:40 “If Coleman Reese isn’t dead in 60 minutes, I blow up a hospital.” Who comes up with this stuff?
1:45:10 “The lamborghini, then? Much more subtle.”
1:47:43 “hiiii…” (such great facial expressions from Ledger)
1:51:23 Apparently the Joker requires hand sanitizer
1:56:33 “Spying on 30 million people isn’t part of my job description”
2:01:00 “Tonight you’re going to be a part of a social experiment” I ask again, who comes up with this stuff?
2:05:15 Cool effects with the sonar / mapping stuff
2:07:39 The lead criminal looks like a cross between Michael Clarke Duncan and Mike Tyson
2:09:16 Batman throws the dog down the elevator shaft…kinda funny
2:11:15 “Give it to me, and I’ll do what you shoulda did 10 minutes ago.” I love that guy…
2:11:50 “And here…we…go!”
2:12:57 “Do you know how I got these scars?”
2:13:24 “You just couldn’t let me go, could you? You won’t kill me out of some misplaced sense of self-righteousness. And I won’t kill you because you’re just too much fun!”
2:17:06 Gordon loves his son more than his wife or daughter? Really?
2:19:33 Gary Oldman is fantastic…I hope he comes back for the third Batman movie.
2:20:48 “You don’t have to thank me…” A bit of an homage to the end of “Batman Begins”
2:22:00 “The Joker cannot win. Gotham needs its true hero. You either die a hero, or you live long enough to see yourself become the villan. I killed those people. I’m whatever Gotham needs me to be.”
2:22:57 I’m glad he burned the letter.